There was one other thing that was happening
during the time period I mentioned yesterday, and it definitely did contribute,
though even without it, I’m sure I would still have had the same issue, because
that’s just my issue. It was time for my sisters and I to leave the singles
ward.
Now before I go any further, I need to reference
a blog post from a while back where I had talked about our desires to leave and
be done with the singles ward:
I just want to make the point that the news was
not completely unwelcome. Despite the sense of responsibility, we were feeling
pretty done, and so there was a sense of relief. The issue was that they were
going to become more firm on the age rules, which was fine, and it was all
happening at about the same time that the Duncombe’s were being released, which
covered the other thing keeping us there, so really it seemed to be working out
fairly perfectly.
There are two ways in which it contributed to
the overall meltdown. One is that I had been getting pretty exhausted, and
there was a flurry of activity as we were getting ready to leave. I was doing a
series in the newsletter that I wanted to finish up, and I had time to do so,
but it felt like more pressure. Also, I wanted to write up some notes for the
next emergency preparedness person.
The thing with emergency preparedness is that
they don’t give you a lot of instructions—there’s no manual. On the one hand,
it can be nice to have the freedom to follow your own inspiration, but it can
feel overwhelming, or it can also be taken as an excuse to just be really lazy.
I wrote out an explanation of what I had been doing, what the different things
in the notebook were for, and gave examples of what other people had been
doing. It was not overly lengthy, I thought, but they ended up just not calling
a new preparedness person, and leaving all of that to the welfare committee (or
something like that). Julie was writing up notes for what she was doing too,
and we were putting together gifts for people, and yes, it was a little
stressful.
Our last Sunday there was December 14th,
2010. We initially thought the Duncombe’s might be there another week, but that
was their release date too, so really it all worked out perfectly. I had gone
in there so busy that I was not sure what I would feel—like maybe there would
be a sense of loss—but really I just felt a huge weight being lifted off. These
problems were not mine anymore. It doesn’t mean that we stopped caring about
people, or that we stopped praying for anyone. Actually, the number we have
been praying for has almost doubled from that point (but four of them are
engaged, and another has gotten married, so we are going to shift that around
soon).
Anyway, that day right there felt pretty good.
The next Sunday we went to church with Mom, starting our new ward, and then her
knee got operated on and we missed at least three weeks where we did not feel
right going without her or leaving her home alone. She had a much better
recovery on the second surgery, but the first one was a long hard slog, and
with other things going on including the lack of sleep, my normal baggage
started eating at me, yes, this did play a part.
In singles ward parlance, it is common to refer
to getting married as graduating. Going with that metaphor, I guess we had
flunked out. It’s not really that the purpose of the wards is matchmaking.
Mainly, you need somewhere to learn and serve and feel the Spirit, and it can
be helpful being with others who are in situations similar to yours, especially
in a church that is so family-oriented. However, you still know, and in our
case it isn’t even so much that we are not married, but that we haven’t even
come close.
Obviously, there is more on the issue, and on
the singlehood, but I’m going to save that for other posts, and just finish up
with the transition.
Initially as Mom got healthier it went very
well. We knew a lot of people already, and liked many of them, and our callings
were pretty good. I think the main thing we noticed was that we felt engaged,
but not overworked. One issue with the young singles we were dealing with is
that a lot of them just seemed really needy. Generally they were not even
thinking about serving others because they were so focused on their own needs
(which is counterproductive, by the way). Our feeling was that regular adults
were just more functional. Maybe some of it is the affirmation that comes with
getting married, or maybe their functionality was something that helped them
get married, but people seemed to do what they needed to do and move on.
I’ll be honest. Some of that rosy glow has
faded, so I guess the honeymoon period is over. Yes, some people are very efficient,
but then things change around, and maybe the next set will not be as efficient,
and we have had to set some boundaries which we do not feel great about. (No, I
am not staying here till midnight pasting together cute bookmarks. I get up at
5 tomorrow.) But, you know, that’s okay. Church is always going to consist of
people, much like life, and that has good parts and bad parts. We don’t want to
go back to the singles ward.
However, I have just been called as a single
adult rep, meaning that I will be dealing more with activities for the singles
over 30.
Just when I thought I was out... they pull me back in.
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