I don't know if it
shows in the writing, but I have been in a funk lately. There are a lot of
different factors.
With Comic-con
itself, there were things going into it where I was not feeling that good about
it. That I am not specifying the name is deliberate, as my negative opinions
are very much personal, and other people would not feel the same way. It can
easily be figured out.
I had expressed
concerns earlier about it being too Hollywood. It is definitely bigger, which I
am sure was a factor in the organizational issues. There were a lot of messages
about schedules coming soon, and still coming, and still being worked on, but
eventually I got a notification of an 11-5 shift. That seemed a little long for
a volunteer, but okay.
In addition, the
tone of the messages, with the nicknames and everything, was just a little too
cute. It grated, and again, that is unfair of me. That came across in the
orientation, with too much self-deprecation, but not really, but what really
bugged me was the emphasis on full-time versus part-time volunteers. As they
explained that full-timers were signed up for 8 hours but really would be there
for 12 hours, it kind of made sense that they would get special treatment, and
again, this is a big endeavor, with a lot of work, but that seems less than
ideal. Maybe you need to hire more staffers.
Also, there was an
article in the paper about Portland finally having a
comic-con worthy of it, no longer having to drive up to Seattle for that type of
experience. They did mention Stumptown, but that is creator-focused. Do you
know what it means not to be creator-focused? As far as I can tell, more
costumes, and an area with celebrities charging $40 per autograph. I don't
actually like anyone enough to pay $40 for an autograph. I realize it's an
important part of the economic viability of some careers, but with creators,
$40 will probably get you multiple books which they will sign with little
drawings.
So, those were all
things that made me not enthusiastic about my shift, but I was still planning
on going, and when they needed extra people to show up and direct lines at 8, I
was going to do that. I am good at managing lines; that's one of my special
talents! That would have meant being there from 8 to 5, with not much time for
looking around, but I was going to do it. And then I woke up and I just
couldn't.
I have not been
taking care of myself enough. It could be much worse. It reminded me of that
time when I couldn't do the Fanconi Anemia walk. Now, that time my poor choices
from putting my own needs last led to food poisoning and projectile vomiting.
This was just being too tired to get up. Some rest will take care of that. I
start a vacation Saturday.
That is good, but
that is its own stress. The money feels so much tighter for this one that it
feels like it will be the last vacation ever. Maybe it's that I don't believe
in my writing taking off anymore, which was what was always going to fix
everything, and lift me to a higher income level. I have been able to keep the
blogs going, and create the monthly comic, but I'm not accomplishing anything
for profit. So, that's a concern.
Still, if this is
the last vacation I can afford, I'm going to make the most of it, and see if I
can reset, and find this balance where I can feel okay about what I am doing
and not doing.
So, much of that is
not really about comic cons at all. Clearly though, Stumptown is the true home
of my heart.
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