A sense of self and s'mores

I'm glad I wrote about the Root Chakra yesterday, because last night I saw its practical implications, and I have something coming up where I will be able to demonstrate learning, whether I choose to or not.

In my single adult calling I sometimes help with planning firesides. I was thinking ahead several months ago and I suddenly remembered Indoor S'mores. They were the s'more equivalent of Rice Krispie Treats, made with Golden Grahams, marshmallows, and chocolate chips. I decided I wanted to have those at one fireside. I will get my chance on July 19th.

These are sweets, and people are often watching their sugar intake, so you always want to have some healthier options. I like there to be connections, so I decided on deconstructed banana boats. Allow people to fill a bowl with banana slices, and there are marshmallows and chocolate chips as options to go with them, but there are also mixed nuts, Mandarin orange slices, and coconut. Customization with options should accommodate most needs.

(The orange slices are because I have done them twice before and people love them, and because my version of ambrosia salad is sliced oranges and bananas with coconut, the coconut feels like a natural addition, and the nuts are just an extra protein option.)

As luck would have it, my sisters were also asked to do a ladies night for church, where they decided to do a summer kick-off and the snacks there would also be s'mores-themed. We could trade ideas back and forth.

Their event happened last night, and they did a great job. There were some things that happened between the initial plans and last night that gave me new perspective.

One thing was that at some point Julie said something about me making the Indoor S'mores for their thing, and I asked if they were expecting that, because I don't remember them ever asking me. We could have gotten signals crossed, because I was talking about my event and they were talking about theirs, and that could be confusing.

So then I was confused, and I needed details like to know if that was all they were doing, and if they thought one pan would be enough. I'm planning on two for my thing, plus the deconstructed banana boats, but then the conversation got curtailed and she said "Never mind." It was abrupt.

I felt that I had irritated her, and a later prefix of "I know you don't care" to a different discussion about the presentation kind of backs that up. However, we have had many discussions about them taking me for granted, and there could also have been a legitimate recognition that I already have a lot to do, and they can handle their own thing. So I let that be, even though I was very tempted to just buy the ingredients and make it anyway.

The other thing was that we had a meeting for the single adults last week, and we talked about the fireside, and I said with there being a lot of slicing to do for the boats, if anyone else wanted to make the Indoor S'mores I could get them the recipe.

There are some levels of hassle here. You can't slice the bananas too much in advance or they get brown. You can't even buy them that much in advance really. Also, there is a budget for the food, but you need to buy it first, turn in your receipts, and get reimbursed, which sometimes goes slowly. So I don't want to ask anyone to do that, but no one volunteered. One of the committee members told me privately "Just make assignments." She's right, that will work, and I don't want to do it.

Come to last night. The presentation was great. My sisters know a lot about things to do around the state, and people were interested. There were no Indoor S'mores, but there were S'more Oreos (which shall hereafter be called S'moreos), chocolate chip cookies, and Malt-O-Meal's S'mores cereal - which people had not seen before and loved! It was really well-received, and my sisters did it on their own.

It was also really stressful for them, and that was where one of the realizations came in. My sisters are good at asking for things from family. Maybe it's because they are the youngest, or because they came in two and as a force, or maybe it's because we were better off financially when they were young. They can be so confident with us that I forget that outside the family they are a lot like me. It's really hard to ask other people or rely on them.

That was a good reminder. Our own quirks and insecurities can make us feel like such freaks, but actually we are all freaks, which means that none of us are freaks. We're not all in the exact same boat, but whatever boat you are in has fellow passengers.

It is also good for perspective in that I know that if they had asked me, "Gina, will you make two batches of Indoor S'mores for us?" I would have said yes. I can also see that it is probably better that it didn't happen like that. Maybe they still would have brought the cereal, but not the S'moreos. People liked what was there. There were only four chocolate chip cookies left at the end, and that was out of a lot!

I can also see that if they had asked someone else to bring cookies or something, that person probably would have said yes. My sisters would have fretted about whether the person would forget, but it would have worked out.

Am I going to make assignments for July 19th? My natural instinct is to do it all myself, but putting all of this together that would be sticking with my old patterns, which haven't necessarily been healthy. There is a chance coming up to grow, and I need to decide how to take it.