The question on
"What kind of person do you want to be?" was the first one I did, and
it was the best experience.
That left the beauty
audit (which I also wrote about yesterday), the self-compassionate letter to my
body, writing about thinking about my body as something that performs rather
than appears, but also that other question paired with the first...
"How do you want the
world to be different when you leave it?"
That was discouraging
because I don't think I can make that much difference. I would like to restore
the environment so that global warming is no longer a danger and that this time
period does not become the fifth mass extinction. I would like to eliminate
racism and poverty. I do not believe I can do these things.
One of the points I wrote
about yesterday that did make me feel good is that I do help people now. I know
I have an impact on individuals through kindness. I am also aware that my
blogging is helpful to some people in terms of helping them figure out ways to
say what they want to say, whether that means talking about their feelings and
motivations or politics. Without debating the size of the impact, those people
will die too. To have an impact that goes beyond the length of our lives seems
very unrealistic.
On one level I was
prepared for that obstacle. I am constantly aware of how much humans mess up,
but also I have a faith that God will heal it, on a schedule that I don't know.
Because my religious beliefs include a belief in the great worth of a soul (and
each soul), then I do believe that helping an individual matters, for their
sakes. Thinking about making the world a better place, though, on a global
scale, there I have some doubts.
Still, I take questions
seriously, almost compulsively so. I had to think about this one. I found three
areas of focus.
One of them is more
religious, in that I want the family history and temple work for my family
caught up before I die. That shouldn't change the world much, as it focuses on
those who are already gone. I still believe it's important. Also, it's
practical for me to be the one who completes it, because no one in my family is
reproducing.
The other two things come
from my "47 uses for a billion dollars" thing. I still haven't come
up with a full 47, but someday I am going to focus on that and do some
pertinent blogging.
Without having completed
that yet, there are still two areas that are especially important to me:
permaculture and diverse books and movies.
These are topics that
speak to my heart and excite my brain, but they are also very reasonable ways
of improving this world. Diverse books and movies are important for creating
empathy between different people and building acceptance. That would be reason
enough, but a beautiful side effect is that working on it encourages individual
creativity and self-expression. That is something that makes a better world. If
the only thing I can do now is appreciate and recommend diverse works so maybe
a few other people check them out to, I will do it. That might not be enough to
end racism on its own, but I do believe it's a step in the right direction.
Spreading permaculture
would be so good for the environment. You can create carbon sinks and support
pollinators, purify water, provide local food, and make a better world. There
are so many good applications. Right now, I am just learning about it and not
even implementing it on my own land yet, but I hope to create something
beautiful here, and inspire other people to try.
Is that encouraging? Not
completely. It is realistic. Also, (crucially) this is being true to myself.
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